I just had to write this post – what a few days/daze it has been. Since returning to Sydney I started using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping) again and re-discovered the power of tapping. It’s a technique I learned and discarded some years back because (at the time) it didn’t fit with who I was or what I was doing. As is often the case, I was stuck with one of our kids so I decided to give EFT a go – we had run out of options. Lo and behold, we had a real breakthrough. So I decided to experiment on myself and of course the family 🙂 I was so pleased with it that I have introduced into clinic. What is really interesting is that through the process of tapping I’ve become aware of stuff that’s been bothering me and hindering me for quite some time.
Taking responsibility for ones self is a BIG deal. Being 100% responsible for oneself is a really BIG deal and it’s something I’ve been striving for for over 25 years. For the same period of time I’ve had issues with my partners ‘inability‘ to speak up or not speak his truth. This issues has manifested in a million different ways from me feeling he has ‘not defended me‘ to him not speaking up if someone does something I perceive as dangerous to our family e.g. a bus driver drives too fast. It also includes him not saying something if folks misunderstand something we are doing or him not saying something if folks try and impose their views on us. You get the idea. Now most of the time I say something. But unfortunately what I end up saying often comes from a place of frustration or anger because he hasn’t said anything. Or, if I didn’t speak up, I would justify my silence with statements like “your family – you deal with it”… You know, observations/feedback like that.
Now the flip side of this situation is when he wanted to speak what was, for him, an obvious truth. For example there were times he wanted to say things I was uncomfortable with. Because I was able to justify my discomfort he/we did not speak up. Being a reflective person my resistance set me thinking.
You, like me, have probably read lots around concepts such as projection and mirroring right? I’m prepared to accept responsibility for my behaviour and or contribution to a situation – but I really couldn’t see how or what I had contributed to the situation’s that bothered or hurt me so much. I was actively doing clearing work – we can be soo blind some times… I kept reflecting on why I continued to be so bothered by his not speaking up. Why was his inability to speak up such a big issue for me? If I took ideas like mirroring seriously I had to asj the question: was I not speaking up for me?
After coming back from the trip we decided to live differently – to pursue a life that allows us to contribute in ways that make sense to us rather than going into an office every day. So we decided to make money online so we could volunteer our time on community projects. The only problem with this idea was we were still fledgling online marketers and we operate with integrity – one thing we feel is lacking from the stuff we see online. So like we have this vision – I am working from home and Gez from the office. I am so grateful for this opportunity because I can do some spiritual clearing work as well as online stuff. One day – today and I am doing some EFT and I stumble across another EFT site (for those of you interested in conscious manifestation I so need to write an article on the synchronicities we have experienced since consciously manifesting). So I am reading this site and it starts to talk about the ego, EFT and how this woman had not been true to herself and as a result not getting the outcomes she wanted.
Now only yesterday I had said to a friend who I was giving an tapping (EFT) session to – “I think that this trait in my partner bothers me so much is a sign that I need to speak up for myself more”. My friend asked me about our money situation and I mumbled stuff like “it will get better” – I was certainly not getting the outcomes I wanted with money and other things… So the very next day I stumble across an article of this woman who is not getting the results she wants. She, like me had read about folks being transformed and she (like me) longed for that too. She felt despair and so started tapping on the despair and frustration – just saying whatever came to mind – no pat phrases/script. Through the process of tapping she realised she had contributed to her own stagnation. After working with that she achieved some shifts. Well as you can imagine I am reading this after what has been going on for me so I decided to try it. I start tapping and just spoke whatever came up – no censoring – in the sense that I was not trying to construct any phrases. What came up validated my hunches.
My own inability to speak my truth was behind my frustration. Some background – I had always been different to my family and friends and so was ridiculed. I am one of those extremely sensitive people and I feel/know the difference between what people say and what they do. I could sense the pressure to conform from behind the friendly jibes and so I began to protect myself. Later I went into political work and so moved even further still from my spiritual/emotional leanings – into the ‘real world’. This meant that again, I was unable to speak my truth. Oh sure I had some crystals and things at work but it was always kind of laughed at. It was like being schizophrenic and so eventually I developed a kind of amnesia and split. I could speak up for others – I am a skilled advocate – but not for myself. To compound things further I became a homoeopath which just led me into further struggles and crises of confidence. Many people really do laugh at and ridicule homoeopathy and homoeopaths. I am really determined to learn this lesson right??? So I am cranky with him because he is not speaking his truth and yet I am in denial about speaking my own – funny huh? I am cranky with him because he did not speak up for me – when I could not speak up for me. Even now my ego does not want to accept this analysis and is still saying things like “yes but…” And it is true that even though I am aware I am projecting onto this situation it does not change that I do not feel OK about his behaviour. I do however, understand that some of the intensity is my own stuff.
I can see that my experiences growing up left me with a deep sense of rejection – and that is what I expect from people now. I expect to be rejected and am shocked when I am not. I have caught myself think that people will reject me when they get to know me… there are so many layers to this I am just scratching the surface. Even though it is too early to see any tangible results from this insight I actually do feel different. I feel lighter and more encouraged. So I felt I needed to write about it because I am sure that if you are not getting the results you want from your spiritual/self development work then perhaps there are some blocks somewhere that need clearing.
EFT is a great tool – I have started tapping whenever I feel emotional discomfort and it helps. We are energy beings and if our energy gets trapped or stuck some place we need to clear that block or stay stuck in patterns that limit us. So stop hiding from yourself and enjoy the success you deserve. Get behind whatever is holding you back – it is just energy and emotion. It cannot hurt you – rather if you take the time to finds your emotional shackles I believe you will start to make the shifts you have always wanted and deserve.
For those interested here is a good video that introduces the tapping points – hope you find it interesting and useful.